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how amazing it feels just to live again
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| IMPORTANT!!!! |
[31 Jul 2005|02:47am] |
I HAVE A NEW LIVE JOURNAL!!! ITS : Extacy_Whore (AND I THANK LINDSAY FOR MAKING IT PRETTY HEEHEE)
P.S. THAT MEANS THIS ONE WILL NO LONGER BE USED SO ADD THAT ONE HOE's =)
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| attention all flamers! |
[28 Jul 2005|12:05pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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Syetem Of A Down-prison song |
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so my brother just lit my ass on fire at 12:05 in the afternoon. i just woke up damn...and the flame was green. thennnn he lit HIS OWN pants on fire......but hahahahah his flame wasnt greeen. so does that mean im special cuz my flame turned green (even tho i think it was only cause my pants are bule) hahahaha. i think my brother is satan!
and!!!!! i talked to kevin on the phone last nite, for 6 hours. =) which made me happy, i didnt think so much about...... one certain person. and i havent talked to him on the phone since like..............september-ish and i havent talked to him at all phone or internet since like june-ish and i havent seen him since like september--ish. so yes last nite made manda happy. aw i miss him.
i miss my michelle as well oh so much. i ahte michigan....i mean WINSCOSIN (hahah what a coincoidence kevin called it michigan when i told him as well ....so its not just me with the mistake) hahahaha well i hate winsconsin and joe's side of the family ...family reunion.
why cant i stop thinking about *one sepcific person*
and omg my brother is not the person i wanna talk to about using dildo's and fucking people and listen to about how he "fingers" girls.aahaghjduhwrns;f.not from him!
im only happy to an extent....blahhhhhhhhhhhyhhhhhhhhhhhahhhhahaha
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| NOT better to have loved and lost...i would have reather never felt it |
[27 Jul 2005|12:10pm] |
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underOATH - a boy brushed red living in black and white |
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Deffinatley been to long since ive even been on this site. Insane how you can be so into one thing one mintue and then the next minute youve found something new. ha same goes for people tho. as for me at this point in time, i am done with dating. i am done with feelings and love and relationships. i am so tired thinking that ive found something good, and then you know...its gone just liek that... << HE'S GONE JUST LIKE THAT. >> but you know what, im over it. (_hahaha what a lie_) I DONT KNOW!!! but yea, im on ohio, the middle of now where. IM DYING!!! hahaha how great. i wanmna creat a new live journal cuz im tired of the name on this one. but then i loose my background (if its even still there lmao) and i love my beackground. hmmph-a-lump. Well i love late night phone convorsations with michelle!!! ah how i miss her so much. last nigth we tryed to call kevin (how come i think i spelt tryed wrong lol) but there was no answer on his telephone. SOO we called skyler, how wonderfull. havent talked to him in soo long. ah how i miss the good ol days when things were actaully good. but ya know, i was dumb and gave em up. blahhhh poo on me. ah speaking on "poo"...my littel cousinsa (all boys 4,2,1) were over yesterday and were all swimming, so my bother picks up the 2 year old to take him outta the pool and swings him ove the 4 yr olds head, qwwat happens.....the 2 years old had taken a shit and poop and dirty brown water went all over the poo 4 yr old. oh man so sad....yet soooo funny. i was definatley "LOL" and "LMAO" heehee. you now, i have realized that the quote "ist better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all".....yea fuck that its bullshit. i wish i never loved, cuz all uit does is bring pain and heart ache. i get a kick out of how someone can tell you "ohh i love you so much and i always will." "we cant be together but things that 'cant' happen do all the time" and the best one "I PICTURE MYSELF SPENDING THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH YOU" ahh how dumb i am to fall for the lies...espically the "i love you" lie. ahh i feel like an idiot. its hard. i wish i knew how to tell wether or not something im getting into is good or bad. wethere or not its worth my time. wethere or not im gonna get crushed and hurt and yes.....ranting and raving. how joyuos riiight?!? well i just like....well dont wanna say "wasted" but in that sense i just ________'d about 6-7 months. piece out. i will update again soon OXXXxxxXXXO
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| PENNIES = POO / TOAST = POO |
[23 Mar 2005|01:03pm] |
Okay so unlike most people, i havent up-dated in a while. lol. but hey thats okay i guess....right?? well spring break is going good. at my daddys in OHIO..ohh yes leave it to me to be the one who goes to where it is cold, unlike most who go to the warm places for SPRING BREAK...hmmm key word there...*SPRING* lol...but i love it and im enjoying my time here. :)so thats always good! and when i return to the dread-full florida, its just about time for the oh-so-lovely sister of mine MICHELLE to get OFF grounding! yessss! hmm my hair at the moment, is.....red-ish / pink-ish / brown-ish. lol. i think it looks more natural colored but my dad dosent agree with me, he said that the green/blue looked more natural hahahaha. greeeat!! ohh well.
Hmmm being away, where you know nobody, reallly sucks when your.... "in thoes kinda moods" hahah im shure michelle knows what im talking about! oh yes. jk hun i love ya.
well hmm im sad, all the cows are in the barns cuz its too cold outside for them. that sadens me so uber much! then my step brother tells me that they were sent....*away* :*-( thats TERRIBLE!!!! poor things.
and my dad wont let me get my tongue pierced till summer...:( well only 2 more months! :) soo im waiting verrrrry much! ohh i cant wait.
ahhh i need a cig soooo uber extremly badly!! buti will make it thru this!! and i willcome out a whole new woman. hahahah girl!
my theory is that in my past life i lived in the 70's but died of a drug overdose, or from taking to much acid and killing myself on a bad trip and i came back as my mothers daughter! yesss
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[09 Jan 2005|10:49am] |
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[31 Dec 2004|06:49am] |
Br0k3n Addicti0n: fine then leave me.........alone......all alone in this cruel dark cold cold world we live in these days.........ahhhh tears rape slash with the whip scream yell ahhhh how i loooooove the pain!
Auto response from HARDhitta6699:sleep
gah i get no love these days!!! to bad.....i can learn to love myself.......right? o yes baby
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| tried to be perfect...just wasnt worth it! |
[29 Dec 2004|11:06pm] |
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hiscamboodle |
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okay so lets see...oo michelle got DDR for christmas...!!! oww were in pain lol. but its all good, like the saying goes..."no pain...no gain" even tho i dodnt quite understand the "no gain" part. ha but ohh well that just me and my simple mind i guess. but i cant believe that 2004 is just about over! seems it went by so fast...gee i wonder why!? (rhetorical question) but ohhh sad sad thing, wet seal is leaving our gardens mall, so now the mall is COMPLETLY POINTLESS!!!! theres nothing there, cuz im not a "ohhh holister" person lol hahahaha. so either, no more mall or PALM TRAN here i come! god i soo want one of the palm tran seats on my wall, just one thats all i ask! ha liek thats ever gonna happen! but ohh well i guess. wow i just figured out, i am such a pointless person, i talk about absolutely nothing! its like duhhhhhh. but ohh well to bad. im bored so this is what i resort to, i mean gee s'mon what else am i gonna do, study for my finals?! NOOO. psh please me study! the great and wonderful ozzz amanda, i dont need to study im smart enough on my own, *whats ovarian cancer michelle???* hahaha wow my stupidity, like yea carmen *why cant we drive to puerto ricco* or * daytona has an ocean!!??* wow, i really need to go back to my blond roots! i hate that, sterotype all blonds are dum, even tho it probly is for the most part true! so yea, now im scarred. me and mickey watched the day after tommorow last night, and now im afraid, what is that does happen!?!? cuz its soo not out of the question! people are over in alasks all the time drilling holes into the ground, and thats why it happened so fast, cuz they made the ground is alaska go CRACK! god, people are dumB!
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[24 Dec 2004|11:47pm] |
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MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! hmm how fast the years go by! its like.....feburary seems like 3 weeks ago when its like 8 months ago....maybe more! but anyways....it has been a verrrry eventful month for me, i think most of us know why. but im shire things are bound to look up! *ohh can u feel that positive thinking?* i called zack tonight, i talked to his mom...hahah but hes with his dad, so i just left him a message on his cellular. gah! i miss him, WHY? i wish i would let him be and keep outta my mind! i just realized i use "lol" alot.....hmm i wonder. im hyper, and yeah. but anyways....im done i really just wanted to say MERRY CHRISTMAS to everyone! night! hope *santa is good to everyone hahahaha i mean ho ho ho ho ho ho ho
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| : -) :-) oober happy |
[20 Oct 2004|07:15pm] |
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kittie |
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im like pretty much off grounding, i can go to firght night...kick ass, and bakesale, kick evenmore ass.. i miss mickey
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| bored |
[16 Oct 2004|09:51am] |
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mood |
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music |
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the used - sound effects and overdramatics |
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The Used : Sound Effects And Overdramatics :
When the shirt came off, it was all in time
When a minute turned into a mile
And then I broke that grin, and I cut it out
And you got all turned on by the taste of your sin
When I mention (blue), all you thought was color!
When you mention drugs, all I thought was sober
When your pants came off and I turned you over
When you mention (blue)
*Kill, smile, cut* it out for me this time
ThIs Is NoT a SmIlE, haven't seen him smile in a little while
Keep the mask aligned
Get it up in time
There's a space between valleys
and try and catch a vibe
Make a circle square, a rectangle curve
Use a smile as a noun and I think like a verb
Run quick switch sides
Spill the filled up canister
And the room is shaking
Now you're changing places,
and I switched my pace,
and my breathing races when you mention (blue)
*Kill, smile, cut* it out for me this time
ThIs Is NoT a SmIlE haven't seen him smile in a little while
*Kill, smile, cut* it out for me this time
ThIs Is NoT a SmIlE haven't seen him smile in a little while
*Kill, smile, cut* out for me cut it cut it out
Smile, cut it out for me cut it cut it out
We cut it out
Get down and stay awake
[Smile]
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| 10-10-04!!! |
[10 Oct 2004|03:42pm] |
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mood |
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 my alex word |
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taking back sunday! |
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happy 1 FULL YEAR!!!
Caroline : yay! ive known you for a full year, its been soo awsome knowing you and loving you! your one awsome girl! you have changed my life so much for the better...made it much better! i love you ...ALWAYS!
Carmen : o o o 1 year ive been married to you...its awsome! how have you been putting up with me so long?! i love you!
and to everyone else....ive known for a little longer than a year but dont know the exact date....i love you all thank you! yaay!
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| can you feel it!? |
[19 Sep 2004|07:52pm] |
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mood |
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 i want it all back |
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gone in 60 seconds...green salad |
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wow! sexxy sexxxy sexxxy. im soo hyper...once again! but umm yes, i miss my dearest michelle! verry verry much! its soo incredibly...ODD not seeing her or talking to her no more! like summer vacation at my dads all over again! im really bored. kristen is an odd one tho....she needs to follow my directions and "SAY NO TO CARL...SAY YES....TO OTHER THINGS" lol. green salad up , green salad down. HAHA gone in 60 seconds is on T.V. ill go watch it when ANGELINA JOLIE comes on! omg i love her! and katie is back from tenessee! kristen stayed the nite last nite..fun fun. im so mad tho...we wasted 8 whole dollars...and 23 cents on flower seeds for NO reason at all.....lol....i guess outta boredom! lol. i miss jessica! i think she needs to come over and stay the nite sometime cuz i dont get to see her and all like last year. i dont like it this year...im not a fan of g-star this year! last year it was soo fun and i got to be with my friends...but this year, its like. no. i mean, i like some of my classes cuz i do have so cool nifty people in some of my classes....but having only 1 class with jess, none with carmen, cari, courtney or rachel....and other people as well....this is just...INSANE! i want...no i WISH *i wish i wish with all my heart.......* (like from dragon tales...lol dont ask) i wish sooo bad it was like last year! i miss it soo much! id go back to 9th grade to have last year back!....but i guess like they say ... "you gotta except the change...out with the old, in with the new" well you kno what i have to say to that...FUCK IT! i hate the new...i like the new people....i just really dont like the new...classes i guess i would say....
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| its a miracle! |
[11 Sep 2004|03:56am] |
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okay i am soo incredibly...amazed i have to let yall kno about this one! the biggest discovery since sliced cheese! beace ur selves for this!!
: there really are guys out there who are nice and not just total pricks! there really are guys that dont just talk to you thinking baout how many times they can fuck you, or how many ways. :
yes. i kno its incredibly hard to believe, but i found a guy like that! i was just sitting online, and some kid starts talkin to me, he said i saw u on FTJ and i just want to let u kno u are a verry attractive girl . i said u kno ur 20....im 15. he said : i realize that, i just thought that someone as beautiful as u should be told. but have a good night and keep well and safe. :
im sorry but i find it AMAZING that someone 5 years older, a guy, dosent IM me "hey sexy" or "your a sexy girl and im a sexy guy thats all u need to kno" or the best one ive gotten yet "ur really hot i wanna meet u and u can give me head" so i was like...WOAH someone reads my profile on FTJ and sees im not lookin for any guys, sees in 5 years younger and just wants to make shure i kno im a beautiful girl and be on his way. i find it verry sweet. wow! and stunning! EXTREMLY hard for me to believe that there is such things as a guy who actually thinks of more than fucking girls!
WOAH!!!!!!!!!
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| wayy to much!!! |
[10 Sep 2004|11:13pm] |
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mood |
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music |
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emery bitch! |
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oh my oh my oh my...how horny people seem to be able to make us.... lol. kay, there is wayyy to much sugar and caffine in my system! heehee. i dont kno. yea, this is manda on caffien and sugar!
ewww vanialla yogurt covered raisins are...GROSS! by the way, how do u spell gross? hmm i wonder if ive been spelling it wrong all this time...or maby ive been right and everyoe else has been wrong. MUAHAH. me and courtney established something today... i am insane! we were taking apart the chinese peoples fence cuz they wont do it and it was killin my moms plants...lol. and i got cut by a rusty nail....courtney was like go put poroxide on it so u dont have to get a tetna shot..i ran around "NO NEEDLES FOR MANDA!!!!!" lol. i am soo insanley bored right now, so i am thinkin i am gonna make a verry pointless and boring entry! wee o yea go me go me! hmm school needs to go back to being in session! oo yes it does o so badly! i miss people.
hmmw what am i doing? why do i make people confused the way i do? can someone please help me figure out WHY I PUSH CAROLINE'S LOVE AWAY?! you kno what...i think im scarred of being with someone who actually makes me happy and someone who actually loves me! wow! how fucked up and dum am I?! see kids...this is what drugs do to u!
and why and i sitting here with a banana in front of me? where did this come from? doug?? hmm that crazzy brother of mine! then people wonder where i get it from! lol but umm yes indeed. shhh i think i am gonna go now. doug is scarrin this SHIT outta me i think hes sleep walkin...bye have fun and stay protected kids!
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| PORN? |
[08 Sep 2004|10:19pm] |
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wow! my people watche some FREAKY ASS PORN! how do people get off with the whole beastiallity shit...*people fucking animals for thoes who didnt kno* see its tru..u do learn something new everyday! i dont undertstand it! lol. but anyways!!! im soo gettin tired of not having school! i mean when there is school....im like grr i hate school but now i wanna see my friends and well this sucks! i mean whats the point of being outta school if i cant see my friends...and i miss seeing jessica! call me crazy but i really do! i dont kno anymore ... my head is soo messed up its insane. and my head is this messed up...BEING SOBER! now thats sum crazy shit! heehee. well yea...courtneys like living with me for this week! yay oo fun fun party party! and the hurrican didnt massacre my house....yay! that was one crazy/kinda scarry storm! ii think if it would have been any stronger... my front door would be like...gone! lol oo i like typing on laptops...their nifty, even tho i have to tie up my phone line and get my brother mad cuz he cant use the phone!! haha poo on him. oww my head hurts down my neck! kevins in naples still...and probly will be for like the rest of the week. that sux cuz idk. i really like him...WHY?! hes a fukin boy! a boy omg what is this world commin to?! but idk...there somethin about him. i dont kno if its a good sumethin or a bad sumethin..i guess im gonna find out sooner or later right?! *hopefully sooner* and yea. im really bored so imma go sleep! yay!
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| passin some time! |
[04 Sep 2004|09:05pm] |
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 indescribable |
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o-tep baby!!! |
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I think its about time this fucker frances leave's! Im really gettin tired of being cooped up in my house! I mean...okay this is really gettin old! I have done all i can possibly think of doing...including laying down in the grass while its pouring down rain and o so windy outside! I think if it keeps up like this for too much longer...im gonna go outside with an umbrella (seein as theirs no lightning i wont get struck) and i can fly away like dorthy did in a Marry Poppins style! o yea baby..woot woot! but then again...if a power cord is down..im gonna go "zap zap shake shake OMG u can see my skelton" hey kinda sounds amusing at this point in time! i figured that last thing to do that can amuse me in any sort of way possible...would be to make a second entry in my LJ! seeing as every other one had to be deleted cuz parents dont kno how to stay out!! oo yes cuz my life is sooo interesting! but hey thats fine! ive got nothing to hide....(except the dead bodies all chopped up under my bed) but shh nobody needs to kno about all that! oo yay! marty says hes goin to fight frances!
Marty:fuckin pussy ass frances...ill fight it
Manda:lol...ill help u fight it
Marty:you betta
Manda:i can fight like a pregenant mother!
oo go us! me and marty can kick some ass in this bitch ass storm! hmm im gettin so bored! i think i need somethin to do so i think durin the eye of this thing everyone should pile over to my home and we should have a massive party in the middle of the street! well i hope the eye lasts like 6 hours....! then kevin and courtney and brittani and who ever else is like 2-3 hours away...britt cuz she lives in tampa...:( and kevin and courtney cuz they left! booo! sux balls! ooo okay this gave me something to really laugh about!
Manda: dont die! i cant be a widow at 15..now how tragic and emo would that be
Marty: yea ud have a new kind of emo on ur hands...now who could live up too that
Manda: oo thats my new goal...find another husband i dont care for as much as i do
for you...they can die and id be a widow in a way and have my new kind of emo! oo
thats my goal! woot woot go me!
thats not the exact word for word convo...its summed up and minused the LOL's...oo how i LOVE my husband of 3 years Marty! o powers gonna go soon! ive been sayin that since like 3 this afternoon and now its 9:40pm....but yea. i really think..i can actually hear the light like they do in movies...and they go dimmm off on dimm off on...good thing the laptops charged...sux that the charger only lasts like a half hour or soo. HAH my ghetto piece of old shit laptop! HAHA! but hey its all good! im gonna go sit outside for a while. oo yay! cuz u kno what! - FUCK YOU FRANCES!!! - i really hate things when they make my friends go like 4 hours away and destroy peoples homes! AHHHH *stay safe love you all*
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| just in case |
[02 Sep 2004|06:39pm] |
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mood |
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 suck my cock n balls francis! |
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music |
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the birthday massacre - nighttime |
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as this hurricane from hell is on its way...and im not goin to deny it but there is a chance of death! im scarred as hell and i want to make shure that everyone knows what they mean to me! and i kno for some people there arnt even any words that can express how much i love them and care for them...i am doin my best!
- Michelle - you are my absolute best friend! for you there isnt a way to say how much i love you! you have been there thru sooo much! thru my good and bad to my worst horrible times! i dont kno where i would be if it wernt for you in my life! i love you soo much! *my sister* you really have become a part of my family! so its plain and simple your not allowed to get hurt or die! neither is ur family! 3 years has become a lifetime with us! nothing can take that..or u away!
- Caroline - you mean soo much to me! i kno i havent been the best to you...and yuo have been so wonderful! i love you so much and i dont kno what id do if anything happens to you...so dont get hurt! thank you for everything you have done for me! and for always bein there! sometimes i wonder why you stick around, or how ive gotten so lucky to have u in my life! i kno we arnt dating anymore...but you kno that dosent change how i love you!
- Jessica - to many feelings...not enough words! i love you and you mean sooo incredibly much to me you dont even kno! nothing will ever change how much i love you! all i can ever hope is the best for you in life, love, and everything and anything else that comes your way! yuor so special to me and will be in my heart and mind forever! thank you for everything you have done for me, and tought me! you have shown me how tru a person can be and how you should NEVER hide who u really are! ur amazing! u have changed me...of course for the better!
- Carmen - first off...thank you! i love you and i dont even kno what i can say! u have done alot for me...u have helped me in so many ways i only wish i could do the same for you! i can only wish the best for u in everything u ever come across...im always here for you..for ANYTHING!
- Katie S - u mean soo much to me! i dont get to see you much anymore...but i will soon! i wont let katie go! i kno u have been thru alot! and u have helped me thru soo much! i kno ur still goin thru soo much and i only hope i can help u out as much as you have helped me! you must survive this...in the same as i must! and we will! i love you and miss you so much!
- Courtney - i care for you more than i could ever let you kno! u have become like a sister to me! in such a short time...i feel like ive known you forever...i dont even kno what to say! you kno if u ever need anything at all im always here for you!
- Kristen - i havent known u that long...but already i love you soo much! you are an amazing person! my 10% lesbain lover...i am honored to be the one to do that too you! heehee i hope the best for you...and for u nd ryan! lol
everyone else....Erin, Amber, Brittani, Chris, Danielle, Zack, Kevin, Skyler, Marty (my husband), McCall, Hayden, Calley and many others as well...i love you all soo much! please stay safe and alive!
PS- if this were a movie...all u non virgins would die but i wont die so ill save you all!!! i love you all stay safe please! (trying to bring some humor to this time of need)
* IF U NEED SALVATION AND SAVING CUZ UVE LOST UR VIRGINITY CALL AMANDA...
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xtearsatnitex's journal